Saturday, October 7, 2017

Day 32: Can a marriage survive an affair?


My Project: 365 Creative Writing Prompts

Day 32: Can a Marriage Survive an Affair?

Of all wedding vows, the vow to forsake all others is often the one most married couples have difficulty with.  By the time a couple reaches their silver anniversary, 50 percent of women and 60 percent of men will have had an affair.  Can a marriage survive an affair?  Much will depend on the state of the marriage before and after the occurrence.

Why start an affair?

Contrary to popular belief, the reason men and women start affairs is not sexual but rather emotional.  The majority of men and women cheat on their partners because they feel neglected by their spouse.  Some feel they’ve grown apart and lack an emotional connection, others feel no longer wanted, taken for granted, or misunderstood.

Who is to blame?

Apart from physical abuse, men and women might go looking for love elsewhere because they are no longer willing to put up with the situation at home.

Some husbands, who were attentive to their wives in the early years of marriage might have lost interest in their spouse.  They spend more and more time at work, with their friends, at a sports club or in front of the television.  When they are around, they criticize their wives and lack appreciation for what she does.

Some wives have lost interest in themselves.  At the start of the marriage, they might have made an effort to look beautiful for their husbands, but over the years they let themselves go.  They feel harassed by their job, the amount of housework and the number of children, and don’t have time for their husbands anymore.  When he is around they nag and complain.

Can a marriage survive an affair?

While the spouses might still love each other after an affair, the foundation of their marriage has crumbled.  An affair might be forgiven, but the trust between two people is broken.  If the couple decides to stay together it might take years before that trust http://www.lifescript.com/life/relationships/wreckage/building_trust_in_a_relationship_again.aspx is re-earned. 
  
Life after an affair

After the anger is gone, spouses often suffer from humiliation, poor self-esteem, guilt, and depression.  Most couples split up after an affair, not because they can’t forgive, but because they can’t forget.  The mental image of the one they love with another man or woman haunts them.  They might forever wonder if given the chance if the spouse might stray again.

Does counseling help?

Couples who want to stay together might find counseling helpful.  Not only will they get the guidance to deal with the aftermath of the affair, they will get a chance to dig deep into their history and possibly uncover the reason why the affair started.  Through counseling, the couple will communicate, deal with the past, focus on the present and possibly make plans for the future.

Can a marriage survive an affair?  Some can forgive and forget, for others, the breach of trust is a fatal blow.  What took years to build was destroyed in seconds.






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